Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
