Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
