he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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