So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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