She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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