there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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