forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I need to align my fucking chakras
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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