I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
