My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
