I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
