Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
