is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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