You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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