You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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