Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
