I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
