One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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