I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
