Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
