I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
