If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
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my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
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I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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