I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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