I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
