That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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