i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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