In the future we'll all be gay
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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