if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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