I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
