I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
why didn't you poke me back
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
