woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
