She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
