I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Four minutes until I can fart!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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