Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
