so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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