Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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