i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
