We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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