Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
