hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
