Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
