You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
