Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
