My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Acid is not a monday night drug
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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