I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
In other news, I just burned my penis
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
