I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
