oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
