Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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