I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
