he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
