i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
