so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
