There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
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Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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