: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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