operation harelip BJ is a go
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
