last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
