I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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