This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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