do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
