i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
