If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
