I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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