watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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