It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
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Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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