My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
