shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
