I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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