Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
