Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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